The Greatest Moral Threat EVER

I'm so glad the religious of the Western world are channeling most of their energy into an insidious threat that could destroy civiliation faster than you can blink. You know what I'm talking about. It's high time somebody knocked that evil Spongebob Squarepants off his little coral-reef pedastal! I mean - what could Tony Hillenberg be thinking? Doesn't he know that allowing an imaginary (asexual) sponge to cavort underwater with a starfish is going to warp our children's minds forever and turn innocent teenagers into gay-bots, programmed to have unsafe sex every five minutes with as many partners as possible? Doesn't he know that this smarmy little sponge-head, with all his mincing around and batting his eyelashes, is going to drive little Bobby straight into the arms of a bi-sexual biker who wears buttless chaps and zooms around the country, marching in every gay pride parade from Connecticut to Idaho? Why doesn't he get it? This marine menace may wear a conservative tie - but he's obviously subverting every youth in America!! C'mon, people, he held hands with his buddy Patrick! This is sick, sick stuff I'm talking about here! (Please disregard the fact that Patrick doesn't seem to have any fingers for a moment, okay? Please?) I'm serious. This yellow twerp must be stopped before he converts millions more children into rainbow-flag-waving sexaholics who prey upon innocent straights - let's not forget the evil influence exerted by Bert and Ernie, Timon and Pumba, not to mention that little feminazi bitch, Little LuLu! Save our children from sexually ambiguous cartoon marine life before it's too late! It could start raining sulphur any minute. Repent! Repent and be saved! Turn from your wicked ways, world! Turn off The Jetsons, that vile show that holds out the empty promise that technology can run our lives more efficiently than God can! Get rid of Gumby! He's clearly gay. And the Pillsbury Doughboy? Total fag. And how about erasing a shameless whore who has led America's children astray for decades...Minnie Mouse? Clearly, by creating a mouse who always wears mini-skirts and never wears underwear, Walt Disney was attempting to overturn every traditional value held dear to the morally righteous, clean-living and normal people like myself! And Squidward. 'Cause I'm sure he's straight.