Braveheart

Today is the 700th anniversary of the day on which William Wallace was drawn and quartered. Now I have nothing against Wallace, but I gotta say: Braveheart is a steaming pile of crap. Sorry, but it is. The story has about as much relation to the real Wallace as my ass does to a supermodel convention. First off, he wasn't always a-fightin' & a-courtin'. A friend of mine is an illegitimate descendant of Wallace. Second, Wallace freakin' lost. If I wanna see an epic movie about a loser, I'll re-watch The Life and Death of Peter Sellers or Casino or something. Third, that movie is way too bloody long.