Unfortunate Quotes

A few more choice quotes from A Series of Unfortunate Events:

• "as I crouch here behind the altar of the Cathedral of the Alleged Virgin, a friend of mine is playing a sonata on the pipe organ, to calm me down and so the sounds of my typewriter will not be heard by the worshippers..." [The Hostile Hospital]
• "Miracles are like meatballs, because nobody can exactly agree what they are made of, where they come from, or how often they should appear." [The Carnivorous Carnival]
• "I will...skip ahead to the next interesting thing that happened, which was very, very late at night, when many interesting parts of stories happen and so many people miss them because they are asleep in their beds, or hiding in the broom closet of a mustard factory, disguised as a dustpan to fool the night watchwoman." [The Slippery Slope]
• "The paper looked very old and worn, as if it had passed around to a variety of different people, hidden in a number of secret compartments, and perhaps even divided into different piles, driven around a city in horse-drawn carriages, and then put back together at midnight in the back room of a bookstore disguised as a cafe disguised as a sporting goods store." [The Slippery Slope]
• "A man of my acquaintance once wrote a poem called 'The Road Less Traveled', describing a journey he took through the woods along a path most travelers never used. The poet found that the road less traveled was peaceful but quite lonely, and he was probably a bit nervous as he went along, because if anything happened on the road less traveled, the other travelers would be on the road more frequently traveled and so couldn't hear him as he cried for help. Sure enough, that poet is now dead." [The Slippery Slope]