Friday, January 25, 2008

Cut-&-Paste Conspiracies! Fun for the Whole Family!

It isn't hard to cobble together a conspiracy theory. There are even Mad Libs-style generators to help you do it (here's one tailor-made for left-wingers). Of course, once you've thrown together a theory, you don't actually have to prove it or anything. You can just leave it hanging out there for years for people to uncritically accept. Easy, no? Richard and I both came up with conspiracy theories this week:

- My theory: Since NFL football is a scripted, fixed farce (see essay by this guy), I think not just Herschel Walker but all players are programmed by the CIA/FBI/NASA/NSA to have multiple personalities that can be switched on or off with handy trigger words (maybe "Monday Night"). That way they never realize they're being forced to throw games. They really believe they suck and turn into alcoholic, violent wrecks instead.

- Richard's theory: Heath Ledger was assassinated by the U.S. government in retaliation for Australia's decision to not send more troops into Afghanistan. Other famous Aussie nationals might be in danger, too. But Mel Gibson is safe 'cause no one likes him, anyway.

8 comments:

tshsmom said...

You should leave the NFL part blank so we can insert ANY college or pro sport. ;)

Karen said...

I think the Australia conspiracy theory would have more weight if it was Canada rather than the US considering that Australia recently claimed we're not a safe place to visit...retaliation by the tourist board of Canada?

SME said...

I like that...it's creepy but implausible. The perfect conspiracy theory! ;D

scrunch said...

I sooo want to comment on this post, but....CERTAIN GROUPS are going to know I did, aren't they?....

La Cremiere said...

lol. Interesting conspiracy theory. I think he was just stupid and committed suicide because he thought life can't get any better than this, so he ended it on a high note. But that's plain stupid of course... Alternatively, your theory works.

The Zombieslayer said...

I didn't know who Heath Ledger was until he died.

I always hated Herschel Walker. Never knew why, just did. At least I have legitimate reasons to hate Terrell Owens.

Nice conspiracy theory generator. What the Left doesn't understand is he's just incompetent, but loved by certain people with big money because they can bribe him with campaign contributions. No conspiracy there. Follow the money trail. Sad thing is, it's not just Bush. It's over 90% of them. Fix campaign finance and you'll fix the problem. Ralph Nader was aware of this.

www.Edmonton911Truth.com said...

I also believe Kangaroo's are not marsupials as scientist would have us believe but are a cross breed between large rats and Macy store leather wallets, this explains the convieniently placed bill folds on the front bumbers.

SME said...

I'd like to come up with a conspiracy combining campaign finance reform and kangaroos, but I'm stumped...might have to use a generator for that.