Thursday, September 17, 2009

Blue Thursday

I'm having one of those days. A seemingly bottomless sadness welled up hours ago and hasn't subsided. It's partly that Sophie may be very sick; her appetite comes and goes, and she's losing weight. Richard doesn't want to have another critter in the house after she dies, and the thought of losing her and spending my nights alone in an animal-free household makes me sick with sadness. I adore having animals around, even if it's just a couple of hamsters. I've enjoyed Sophie more than I can express.

I feel very disconnected from everyone right now. My grandpa, as most of you know, is very sick. But he won't talk to me on the phone anymore. This could partly be his illness, which makes him very tired. But I should mention that my grandparents stopped calling me several years ago, because they have an almost pathological aversion to answering machines. At least, that's the reason they've given.
They told my mother they didn't want me to stay with them after Grandpa's surgery, because I would force them to eat vegetarian meals or something (again, that's just the reason they've given - who the hell knows what the real reasons could be?).

I just feel very sad, very alone.

4 comments:

Laura said...

Have you tried writing to your grandparents and telling them that you'd like to talk to them more, or that you're hurt that they seem disconnected? Maybe they don't realize it's hurting you?

I'm sorry about Sophie. She's a cutie. I avoid having rodents as pets because they just don't live as long and it's always sad when pets die, no matter their size or age. Why no more animals? I think my life would be totally incomplete without furry friends.

tweetey30 said...

Oh SME I am so sad along with you. I hope you are wrong and Sophie isnt sick.. The girls would miss you posting photo's of her and I would too. Hugs my friend. I am just an e-mail away or phone call if you need one ok.. Have to go get Jeff here shortly but will be home later.. After 5 ok.. Take care and hugs again..

SME said...

Frankly, Laura, they just don't give a shit. They don't see anyone's pain but their own, and they refuse to allow themselves to be helped in any way - I guess they see it as a sign of weakness or something. They've retreated into their own private world and they block everyone from it to the greatest extent possible. My dad calls it their cave.

Thanks so much, Tweets. Your pics of the girls and their adventures always cheer me up, no matter how awful I feel. They're such sweethearts. Hope you and J are doing OK - I know you guys have had more than your fair share of problems this year too. I don't mean to sound "Oh, woe is me." We've all got our moments of sadness.

Sophie's eating now, but she seems to be in some kind of discomfort for hours at a time. I've got a vet appointment for her tomorrow.

Mighty Lambchop said...

I'm very sorry to hear about your sadness. I hope things will be better soon for you.