I didn't make any predictions for 2011. Instead, I have a list of things I wish wish WISH will happen this year...
1. Andy Rooney will retire at last. Never again will I have to hear how his socks don't quite fit, how "people on airplanes are funny", or how ballpoint pens don't seem to have balls or points.
2. Ice cream will save the economy. I don't know how, but it will.
3. People will stop pretending that James Frey's books are actually pretty good.
4. As a result, James Frey will stop writing books and do something good for the economy, like making ice cream.
5. No new sports stadiums will be built unless the old ones are struck by avalanches or tsunami-scale floods. And all athletes will be ordered to drink out of metal bottles instead of plastic ones. And you don't get a new uniform until your old one gets holes in it.
6. The aliens will get here, and they'll be way cooler than we expected.
7. My rabbit will finally realize that not everything in bowls involves granola, and stop sticking her nose into them.
8. Ricky Gervais will give a performance that wins him a Golden Globe next year.
9. The music world will decide that Depeche Mode covers are generally a douchey thing to do.
10. Someone will tell Justin Beber, with utmost kindness and tact, that he isn't really that talented and it's time to go back to school.
11. Everyone on the planet will realize, simultaneously, that war is basically just large-scale, government-sanctioned murder and KNOCK IT THE HELL OFF.
Creepy Clown Sightings
9 months ago