"What do you eat on Thanksgiving?"

Happy Thanksgiving, Canadian peeps!

Needless to say, there won't be any turkey or bacon 'round here. So, what do vegetarians eat on holidays?
Well, the ever-popular Tofurkey kit seems like an obvious choice, but we tried that a few Christmases ago and found it about as tough and tasty as charbroiled boot leather. Werner Herzog has nothing on us.

Luckily, we live close to Chinatown, where wacky Buddhist foodstuffs are plentiful. For the past five years, we've been enjoying seitan chicken that even (sorta) looks like chicken. Or like the Play-Doh version of chicken. Don't let the goofy appearance fool you, though - this stuff tastes like tender, white-meat chicken!

A year or two ago, my fave Chinese grocery stopped carrying seitan chicken. Since then, we've been eating a soy-based "chicken ham" product every holiday. Its pasty, tubular appearance wasn't too promising, but I was relieved to find it tastes almost exactly like the chicken-shaped stuff. As for why it's called "chicken ham" or "ham chicken", I still don't know. My brother once pointed out, "That's way too many animals for something that has no animals in it."

This is today's "chicken ham", nicely defrosted and waiting to be cooked for about 45 minutes. That's one lovely thing about being veg: Holiday dinners are not day-long ordeals involving arcane equipment, gigantic knives and rubber gloves.

"I'm not a ham, I'm a chicken ham!"

Side dishes will be old-school: My own traditional stovetop stuffing made with veggie broth, mashed taters, wild mushroom gravy, scalloped corn, and mixed greens.

Non-Vampire Bat

Okay, I have to admit this is funny. I hope I don't sound too much like this guy.

nataliedee.com

Failure Pile in a Sadness Bowl, Veggie-style

The other day, in the mall food court, I couldn't resist peeking at the KFC menu to see if they still offer "failure piles in sadness bowls". They do, but *for some strange reason* they've changed the name from "Famous Bowls" to simply "Chicken Bowls".

Though I laugh at Patton Oswalt's bit, the sad truth is that before going veg, I probably would've liked the KFC Famous Bowl/Chicken Bowl. While I enjoy Indian cuisine or szechuan every now and then, I mostly have the palate of a retarded goat. Give me some plain ol' tomato soup and a grilled cheese and I'm a happy camper.

So this is my veggie take on the chicken bowl: Yves "Chicken" Tenders lightly breaded and fried, mushroom soup with a little onion soup added for "gravy", corn, mashed potatoes, and mozza. Pile it in a bowl, put on some Morrissey, and you're good to go.

The verdict: Yummy!!