Change is Terrifying and Terrific

Reading Wandering Coyote's recent entries, I just wanted to write - for anyone out there who might be dealing with some of the same issues - that change is scary and overwhelming. Four years ago I was faced with the decision to leave my husband of less than a year and start life fresh, or stay with him and learn to put up with all his crazy sh** for the rest of my life. It was not an easy decision. When you're actually standing at the altar, marriage seems like the most permanent and natural thing in the world. And for many people it is. Then there are those of us who simply chose the wrong person (guilty), grew out of the relationship, can't handle addictions, or whatever. This is a lifelong stigma: The Divorced Lady. The one who Couldn't Stick It Out. But I'm telling you - and we all know this is true - there are bad marriages. Not that one or both of the partners are bad people; the marriage just isn't destined to succeed beyond a certain point. The guilt and shame that divorced and separated people can be made to feel by their communities, their co-workers, even their own friends or families doesn't need to be imposed from the outside, believe me - it's already there, in spades. This is the best thing a person dealing with divorce/separation can tell themselves: IT'S MY LIFE. Your life is more important than the opinions of those around you, which are often changeable. Your life is the only thing you really own in this world and YOU control it.

Change is terrifying, yes, but it's the cornerstone of a fulfilling life and you can't let anyone's opinions bar you from making changes that you know are necessary. If I hadn't made drastic changes in my life, I wouldn't be here in a place that I love, living happily with a man I love. I wouldn't have two terrific "stepchildren" whom I love.