Misfit Toys: A Study in Commercial Failure

My little bro's most recent post, about girl toys, reminded me of this thing I wrote a while back:


In 1978, toy manufacturer Smar-T-Toystm issued the Baileytm fashion doll for pre-teen girls. The red-haired plastic doll became a top-selling toy in the early 1980s, eclipsing even Sludgetm as the favorite plaything of children around the world. So what went wrong?

A 1989 marketing study commissioned by Smar-T-Toystm indicated that timing may have been a critical factor in the decline of Bailey’stm runaway popularity. For instance, Nuclear Physicist Baileytm hit the market just three days before the Chernobyl disaster. Manufacturing flaws account for the failure of Bailey’s Multicultural Friendstm, Kyeeshatm, Mikotm, and Juanitatm: The dolls had authentic ethnic clothing and accessories, but the paint eventually wore off, revealing the ordinary Baileytm dolls underneath. A line of Baileytm dolls based on historical personages was an utter failure; Nancy Reagan Talking Baileytm had only one phrase in her vocabulary: “Just Say No.” And that’s precisely what consumers did. Lucrezia Borgia Baileytm did well in pre-market tests, but failed to sell in stores because she had neither male companions nor beachwear.

As Baileytm moved into the ‘90s, experimental versions of the doll reflected changing social roles of real women - but apparently didn’t satisfy the playtime needs of real children. Surrogate Mom Baileytm and BioMom Baileytm had moderate success, but Bailey’stm country cousin, Barleytm, didn’t fare as well. Nor did TeenMom Baileytm and the Free Clinic Playsettm .
A line of I’m OK Katie!tm Dolls and Friends was designed to increase girls’ self-esteem by presenting dolls with common pre-adolescent and adolescent problems. I’m OK Katie!tm Dolls included Cold Sores Katietm and Katie’s Friend, Headgear Hannahtm. Sales were less than impressive.

In the wake of Bailey’stm demise, Smar-T-Toystm inaugurated a line of Presidential Action Figurestm. This was a dramatic mixture of success and dismal failure, the former owing to the first two action figures of the series. Honest Abetm of the Founding Fatherstm series sold briskly. He recited half the Gettysburg Address and came with a natty Stovepipe Hat (the Log Shantytm sold separately). George Washington, with his removable Wig and Wooden Dentures, was somewhat less popular, mainly because when his nose was pressed he screeched, “I did cut down a tree, quit asking!”. But sales of the action figures declined sharply with the introduction of Nixon, with Bowling Ball and Chequers the Dog, and virtually ground to a halt after the release of Clinton with Saxophone and Double Cheeseburger.

In 1989 Smar-T-Toystm moved its corporate headquarters to the Soviet Union to cut down on overhead. Their new line of quality hand-made toys designed to educate and entertain young Communists met with such astonishing success (600 sales a year!) that they decided to expand to non-Communist markets. The results were not gratifying. Hammer and Blocktm, specially designed to enhance coordination and teach job skills, was a flop. So was the Street Drummer Kittm consisting of ice cream buckets and two sticks. The Che Guevaratm doll met with some success, but the accompanying Che Motorcyclestm broke down frequently. Plans for a Fidel Castro action figure fell through because Castro wanted each one to come with both mini Havana cigars and a full-size one for the kiddies.

Smar-T-Toystm nearly faced bankruptcy in 2001, but recovered by moving its headquarters to Cuba. Currently a line of Elian Gonzales toys is being tested. The Save Elian!tm board game allows 4-8 players to “Fight Reno, maternal relations, social workers, and evil Disneyland employees for the sake of freedom - rescue Elian from the sinister realm of running water, healthcare, prosperity, and opportunity!” Children were strangely ambivalent to achieving the game’s goals, but a videogame is in the design stages. In it, you are a shark who must eat Elian before he reaches the Florida coast, battling vicious dolphins and scaring away potential rescue vehicles. Hopes are high.