Sunday, March 12, 2006

Can't sleep. Anxiety level very high. I know that I need to start working again ASAP - and I want to - but that's a tall order for someone who hasn't worked at a paying job in the last 5 years. When I first moved to this city I had high hopes in the employment department; jobs were plentiful and I had been working steadily since 18. It didn't take long for that bubble to burst. Sure, there were lots of jobs: Hazardous graveyard shifts in remote gas stations, jobs in strange little shops where neither employees nor employers could speak much English, and a few waitressing jobs for which I clearly wasn't qualified. I managed to land a job at a now-defunct flag shop in the big mall only because the manager was flat-out crazy. This woman would literally drive people out of the store with snide remarks, cutting insults, and outright hostility - no provocation whatsoever. She just liked to offload her life's frustrations on hapless mall shoppers. I had to sneak around behind her back to apologize to customers, 'cause if I'd dared do so in front of her, I'm sure I would have been fired on the spot. And because I was married at the time, she asked me every other day if I was pregnant.
I noticed immediately upon moving here that waitresses and shopgirls are drop-dead gorgeous teenagers. You will not find an average-looking waitress, or a waitress over 25, anywhere in this city. Needless to say, I didn't get a single interview at any restaurants. And that was when I was 22-23! Now that I'm rather dumpy and pushing 30, with some gray hairs to boot, I'm totally out of the running.
I know there must be something out there for me. Perhaps temping, if I can convince an agency or two to overlook my yawning employment gap. I want very much to take a legal assistant course in the future, and I want clerical experience. Unfortunately I don't have the kind of education, employment history, or looks for that. I see the office women whizzing around downtown during the day, and I know they spend more on their skin, hair, and clothes than I spend on...well, everything put together. And they've been to college. And they've been doing office work for years.
I'm trying not to stay in Negative Town here, I really am, but it's discouraging and frightening. Who would hire me? About the only things I have going for me are volunteer work, decent references, and willingness. Also, I don't have a ring on my finger anymore, so I won't be getting those suspicious "are-you-knocked-up-yet?" sidelong glances and intrusive questions all the time.

6 comments:

Wandering Coyote said...

For some reason, after reading your blog for over a year now, I had the impression that you had a funky, creative job you really enjoyed. I'm sorry to hear you're down in the dumps. It sounds exactly like the position I was in when I went to Ottawa with Aaron. I thought there would be tons of jobs but I didn't have the right credentials, and eventually I was sick and out of the workforce for over three years. When I was well enough to work again, the job market was even more competitive and that wound me up at Crapters eventually.

Now, I hear your anxiety about looks and job prospects depending on them. I would so put that out of your mind! You are obviously intelligent, well-read, articulate, and still young! The gaps in your resume can be worked around - trust me, I had to do it, too. You are a mom, are you not? You have been working in some capacity, although unpaid, right? ANYTHING can be worked around on a resume. You might just need some resume coaching, and if you need help with that, let me know and I'll see what I can do.

But there is work out there for you, I'm sure of it. Alberta is the land of opportunity, after all. You may have to start out small, as I did at Crapters, but it's much easier to make decisions while you're working than it is when you're not. And it's way easier to look for work while you're working than it is when you're not. And, you may have to train/retrain. Many of us do, in the end. But look at that as an investment rather than an liability.

tshsmom said...

Sign up for that class, TOMORROW!! Remember you JUST told me "Yes, ma'am", 5 minutes ago. LOVE you!!

Anonymous said...

Dad says "Make me proud"...and get to that school....yesterday. Take the time, stick with it, and get there!! It'll pay off in the longer run. Also, take WC's offer of resume help!! It's a rare offer and REALLY good of her You gotta make up your mind that this is finally the turning point to get you back into your own life and person! So, make me proud and do it for you...Love you

S.M. Elliott said...

Thanks for all the encouragement. It's helping me look on the brighter side of this; I have the time to find work now, it's not going to be just a frantic dash to get any job that comes along. Bills are paid and this is really a moving-forward thing instead of a survival thing. I WILL apply for the paralegal course this week and see what happens - and I'll try again next year if I don't get in. In the meantime, job hunting.
Thanks a lot for the offer of resume help, WC. Once I get more experience I might have to take you up on that, but right now I've made the most of what I've got. I took a course that included resume-writing a few years ago and I've also studied it since.
When the kids lived in the city I was the only non-working adult who could take them when they were home sick from school, but of course that's not an issue now. It really is time to get back on my feet employment-wise. Richard's been taking care of us well for years, but in the future I want to be the one taking care of him!

Laura said...

There's always something out there. Are there any schools or colleges in your area that are hiring? The reason I ask is that I don't have the looks or demeanor for corporate work either, but academics is a much more laid back environment. They're also much more willing to train you for the job, and usually offer tuition benefits should you want to take a class.

S.M. Elliott said...

That's not a bad idea, Laura, thanks! There are indeed many colleges & schools in the area.