Interview Time

Questions by the Zombie Slayer, answers by me. This is a "voluntary tag", so if you want to be interviewed by me, respond to this with a comment saying "I wanna be interviewed" and I'll email 5 questions to you. You post your answers and offer to interview your readers. And so on. ZS threw some toughies at me, like the first one, but I promise I'll be gentle. ;D

1) What is the weirdest conspiracy theory you've ever heard?
Dude, that is like asking a mother which child is her favorite. There are so many "oh-my-freaking-god-what-is-this-person-smoking-and-where-can-I-get-some-on-the-cheap?" theories out there that it's impossible to single out one as the weirdest. Would it be Albanian pirates stealing the Titanic and then leaving fake wreckage scattered in the ocean to make it appear like it sank? Or would it be David Icke's insistence that reptilian fourth-dimensional entities from Mars colonized Earth and have interbred with humanity from its beginnings to produce the British monarchy, the Rockefellers, and Dick Cheney (who can shapeshift at will but must eat fresh human blood to maintain human form?)

I'll narrow it down to two:
1. Daniel Hopsicker's wag-the-dog theory that WWII didn't actually occur, but was simulated with special effects and propaganda by the world's major powers to scare us all into pacifism.
2. The Middle Ages never existed. Somehow, either by a huge goof or a deliberate miscalcuation, over 200 years were added to the history books and we are really living in the 18th century. Everything that supposedly occurred during the Middle Ages either took place at some other time, or didn't happen at all. This is called the "phantom time hypothesis", and the scariest part about it is that more than one person believes in it.

2) What is the weirdest movie you've ever seen?
Again, very hard to narrow down. But I'll exclude creepy movies like El Topo or Confessions of a Serial Killer, bad B movies like Night of the Lepus ('cause they're all weird), and German movies (same reason). I guess Todd Haynes's Poison would be as good a contender as any: Three completely unrelated vignettes about nuclear mutants, Jean Genet's gay prison experiences, and a kid who flies out a window. Peter Greenaway's Drowning by Numbers is a close second. Makes no sense whatsoever, but trying to find the numbers 1-100 in each scene makes it worthwhile even if you don't dig it.

3) What do you like best about living in Canada versus living in the States? Truthfully, aside from the Rockies, I love the strong British influence and the multiculturalism. I can walk down the street and hear people from Dublin, Dubai, Durban, or Danang talking in their native languages...but we all more or less get along. And I like English people. They're fun and they love history.

4) Is it possible to still be friends with someone who joined Quixtar, or is that friendship doomed?
I could most certainly be friends with a Quixtar rep....after they gave up on the whole thing and started acting normally again.

5) Tell us a funny story.
Um, I guess this is funny now that I'm no longer mortified: In college I was playing the dog Sylvia in the play of the same name, and one afternoon I took a girlfriend into the theatre to show her some of the absurb things I had to do as a dog. I demonstrated for her how I had to jump up on a "woman" (my friend Don in drag) so that her legs splayed out, and plant my "paws" right on her breasts or crotch while licking her face. And just as I was demonstrating this to my friend on a sofa (minus the licking), a frail and elderly English prof who often took shortcuts through the theatre stage to his office stepped in. And stepped right out again really fast.