Thursday, April 12, 2012

I have been emotionally and creatively blocked for several months now. The death of our friend, and my mentor, Marlene, left a larger space in my heart than I could have anticipated. And though I try not to fret over the declining mental and physical health of my grandparents - as they have firmly refused any help from me, and there is very little I can do from a distance - I do fret. I also feel tremendous emotional distance from some other members of my family. I love them as I always do and I realize that they love me as they always do, but there simply isn't the time or the space to connect in real ways very often. At times, with only Richard and a few friends as my anchor, I feel adrift.

Creatively, I have so many ideas and concepts for fabulous, exciting projects. But putting them into practice? I don't feel the energy or will needed to tackle even one of them at this point. My blogs languish, my notes gather dust. I've collected a tremendous amount of material during this "downtime", which is good I suppose, but it needs to be shaped and shared to be meaningful.

I know this is all a temporary stasis, but at times it feels like it's going to be permanent. It would help somewhat, I think, to have the support of family and close friends when it comes to my writing and other projects. But that can be too much to ask of people who are grappling with their own, extremely serious, issues and commitments.

This post is really just a venting exercise, so feel free to not comment. Or maybe I should call it "ventilating" - letting in fresh air and kicking out of the some of the dust. That's what I'm trying to do, anyway.


Gardenia said...

I so understand the periods of feeling stuck. They have been hitting here too often too, yet at the same time I am "seeing" new directions I want to go in and collecting ideas, etc. Wish I could wave a magic wand, have the studio reorganized and shiny and alluring, and the energy bouncing like crazy - instead though I think I will go take a nap. said...

hey there my pal. I am sorry to hear things arent so good back home. How is your mom. I havent talked to her in ages again. Anyway I need to get moving. I have to leave the house here in about 20 minutes. Love ME.!!

Candy Minx said...

Oh I feel ya. I often feel very lonely and adrift here in Chicago. I do some have some great friends...but many times I have been so far away from friends and family in Canada and that familiar comfort of people we love all our life...that lonelyness is something I have to fight off.

Hang in there...youre right it is stasis and will pass. Also...maybe joining a group of some kind a book club or doing volunteer work might help?

Thinking of you,

p.s. hey I have a raffle on my blog maybe that will inspire you?