“There's more to life than just books, you know. But not much more...” - The Smiths
Thursday, April 12, 2012
I have been emotionally and creatively blocked for several months now. The death of our friend, and my mentor, Marlene, left a larger space in my heart than I could have anticipated. And though I try not to fret over the declining mental and physical health of my grandparents - as they have firmly refused any help from me, and there is very little I can do from a distance - I do fret. I also feel tremendous emotional distance from some other members of my family. I love them as I always do and I realize that they love me as they always do, but there simply isn't the time or the space to connect in real ways very often. At times, with only Richard and a few friends as my anchor, I feel adrift.
Creatively, I have so many ideas and concepts for fabulous, exciting projects. But putting them into practice? I don't feel the energy or will needed to tackle even one of them at this point. My blogs languish, my notes gather dust. I've collected a tremendous amount of material during this "downtime", which is good I suppose, but it needs to be shaped and shared to be meaningful.
I know this is all a temporary stasis, but at times it feels like it's going to be permanent. It would help somewhat, I think, to have the support of family and close friends when it comes to my writing and other projects. But that can be too much to ask of people who are grappling with their own, extremely serious, issues and commitments.
This post is really just a venting exercise, so feel free to not comment. Or maybe I should call it "ventilating" - letting in fresh air and kicking out of the some of the dust. That's what I'm trying to do, anyway.
I live in the land of Estoty with my sweetie, Richard, and our cat. I'm one of those mature (thirtysomething) students you see in the halls, the ones who make you think, "Well good for her, she hasn't given up on life yet, although she probably should."
My goal: to become a lawyer
"All religions, arts and sciences are branches of the same tree. All these aspirations are directed toward ennobling man's life, lifting it from the sphere of mere physical existence and leading the individual towards freedom." - Albert Einstein