Witches Who Switched and Former Satanists

Harmless nuttery, or dangerous smear campaign?

One minor but fascinating aspect of modern fundamentalist Christian culture are the testimonies offered by "former Satanists", "witches who switched", and born-again New Agers. For decades, these stories of miraculous conversion were passed reverently from hand to hand via audio recordings made in church basements, grainy VHS tapes shot from the back rows of churches, fireside tales told at Bible camps, and pamphlets Xeroxed by church secretaries. The simple but powerful message imparted by these testimonies is that if God can save a devil-worshiper, He can (and will) save anyone. He'll snatch you into His arms even as you kneel at a Satanic altar, dripping with the blood of a freshly sacrificed virgin. Before you even know what's happened, you're wearing sweater vests and homeschooling your kids so they won't have to learn about dinosaurs. It's like Extreme Home Makeover: Jesus Edition.

It seems to have started with Doreen Irvine. In the late '60s, this mundane-looking English spinster revealed that she had once been "Queen of the Black Witches of Europe", presiding over thousands of Satanic witches. Her master "Diablos" [sic] granted her powers to levitate, render herself invisible, kill birds in midair just by looking at them, and walk through roaring bonfires without so much as a blister.
However, being Queen of the Black Witches brought absolutely no material benefits to Doreen. She continued to work as a hooker and a stripper until her conversion in 1964. That's quite unusual, because in most of these testimonies the Devil bestows enormous wealth and influence on his minions. Naturally, they renounce all the goodies after being saved, which makes the testimonies even more powerful.
Anyway, Doreen's story was published in 1973 as From Witchraft to Christ, and since that time she has been revered in fundie circles as The Witch Who Switched. She gave her testimony on 100 Huntley Street, appeared in Caryl Matrisciana's documentary Devil Worship: The Rise of Satanism, and became the UK rep for Campus Crusade for Christ.

It didn't take long for others to follow in Doreen Irvine's cloven footsteps. And with each testimony that emerged from a Christian publishing house or the office of a recovered-memory therapist, the details got darker and weirder. Irvine's cult, which supposedly encompassed the whole of Western Europe, took part in nothing hinkier than some rooster sacrifice and the occasional bisexual orgy (who doesn't, amirite?). But the cults described by Satanist-turned-Christian-comedian Mike Warnke in his 1973 book The Satan Seller routinely sacrificed unwilling human victims. And the African megacult depicted in Emmanuel Eni's 1987 tract Delivered from the Powers of Darkness pretty much defies description. Eni's story contains more blood, guts, and WTFery than a horrorcore convention.

Yet not one born again Satanist has been charged with being an accessory to murder, and no one in their faith communities is concerned about that. While this speaks to the beauty of forgiveness and redemption, it would sure as hell make me feel queasy on Sunday mornings. Didn't that guy in the third pew eat babies and rape corpses a few years ago? Didn't that lady stab somebody with a crucifix while screwing a goat? And now I'm supposed to eat cookies and drink coffee with them?
Fortunately, as most of us can plainly see, these monstrous cults never actually existed. Whether they were brewed up in the stew of troubled minds or stitched together from B movies seen on late-night TV, we may never know - but we do know there is no empirical evidence for the existence of widespread, homicidal Satanic sects of the sort described by Irvine, Warnke, and Eni. In fact, Warnke's autobiography was roundly debunked by other Christians.
The value of ex-Satanists' testimonies lies not in their truthfulness, but in the way they make you feel. Sure, Mike Warnke wasn't literally a Satanist, but didn't his epic tale of conversion to Christianity give you a ton of warm fuzzies? Well, then, it's good enough for God. Let's not let truth get in the way of Truth, folks.

This tradition carries on today. Take, for instance, the testimony of Mike Leehan (below). It's quite typical of ex-Satanist testimonies. We don't know where Mike Leehan resides, where he grew up, or which Satanic group he joined. He vaguely mentions sacrifices, bloodletting, and Satanists' unquenchable thirst for "power" (in these testimonies, explanations of Satanic beliefs rarely go beyond "power"). Then he tells us the Devil once commanded him to shoot the pastor who is filming the testimony. Testimonials are often custom-tailored to appeal to a specific audience in this way, perhaps unintentionally or perhaps with great guile. For instance, spiritualist-cum-Adventist Roger Morneau claimed in his testimony that his high priest frequently spoke of the sanctity of the Sunday Sabbath. Why? Because Seventh Day Adventism, with its Saturday Sabbath, was deemed as Satan's greatest enemy.



It would be nice if we could just relegate all these ghoulish, implausible stories to the netherworld of the born-again fringe and forget all about them, but these testimonials unfortunately have a real-world impact on Pagans, Wiccans, Satanists, and other faith communities. Thanks to Doreen Irvine and her successors, millions of Christians believe that witches and Satanists abduct, torture, and sacrifice unwilling victims (including infants and children); that witches and Satanists target Christian leaders for death; that Satanists and witches infiltrate churches to subvert believers; etc. The dissemination of unsubstantiated testimonies like Michael Leehan's amounts to a smear campaign against millions of law-abiding Pagans, Satanists, and Wiccans. This smear campaign undermines their freedom of religion, their freedom of expression, sometimes even their careers or their standing in their communities (look at the endless ordeals of Michael Aquino for a chilling example). In many ways, the anti-Satanic testimonials of today differ little from the ancient Jewish blood libel that refuses to die among religious supremacists and anti-Semites. The cult stories are just as groundless, just as prejudicial, just as damaging as tales of Jewish ritual murder. In accepting the testimonials as either factual accounts or harmless fabrications, we are helping to brand unknown Satanists and witches as criminals without a fair hearing.
The consequences can be brutal. In many parts of the world, witchcraft hysteria has resulted in the torture, internment, and murder of suspected "witches". In Uganda, Nigeria, and Ghana, elderly women and children are confined to gulag-like "witch camps". In Papua New Guinea, an unknown number of women and girls have been mutilated, tortured, and killed by their neighbors because they were supposedly possessed by the spirits of evil witches. These panics are sparked and fostered, in part, by fundamentalist teachings that sanction the expulsion and/or mistreatment of "witches" as an act of spiritual warfare.

I'm sorry, Mr. Leehan, but until you produce more evidence of your involvement in "Satanic" crimes, I'll have to view you as part of the problem.


More information:

- Doreen Irvine's testimony (YouTube)
- Emmanuel Eni's "Delivered from the Powers of Darkness"
- Cornerstone magazine's series on Mike Warnke

The Devil and Anna Nicole

Immediately after her death in Febuary 2007, a note from Bob Larson, posted on his website, told us how/why Anna Nicole Smith was cursed and how we can avoid her fate by buying stuff created by (you guessed it) Bob Larson.

"Dear Friend,
Don’t let you and your family, and those you care about, suffer needlessly because Satan has the right to inflict pain and suffering through generational curses.
Remove the legal right of Satan to your life. Let me teach you the right kind of prayers and renunciations that will once and for all break Satan’s hold on you and your family.
The death of the buxom blonde Anna Nicole Smith was no shock. Frankly, I’m surprised she lived as long as she did. She died because of her self-destructive behavior, but there’s more to it than that.
The media has incessantly talked about her untimely death. Anna was a former Playboy Playmate of the year and, at age 26, married an 89-year-old billionaire. She starred in her own racy reality show, modeled for Guess? Jeans, and then touted a weight-loss program.
On February 8, she was found dead in her hotel room in Florida. We don’t know the full report on her autopsy yet, but her family, and all those around her, are convinced that drugs played a role in her tragic death. The real issue isn’t what killed her, but why she died so young while surrounded by money, fame and the attention of millions.
The autopsy will only tell what physically killed her, not the spiritual reason behind her death. Anna Nicole was set up by Satan. Generational and family curses were hanging over her head from the day she was born. These curses grew stronger the longer she lived.
How can I so positively say I know what killed her? After three decades of confronting the forces of darkness and performing more exorcisms than anyone on the planet, I have learned valuable lessons about the destructive way that demons operate through curses. Let me explain how Ms. Smith’s life was under a curse.
Although her life seemed to be rich and glamorous, it was not always like that. She hungered for attention. In one interview she said, "I love the paparazzi . . . I've always liked attention. I didn't get it very much growing up and I always wanted to be, you know, noticed." Why didn’t she get attention growing up? It probably had to do with the fact that her father abandoned her at a very young age. In a 2004 People magazine interview she said, “I don’t have any good memories from Christmas when I was a girl.” Her mother raised Anna (known then as Vicki Lynn Hogan) as a single parent. This curse of abandonment literally turned her over to the devil. If her mother had known what to do, she could have broken the curse. Anna’s life indicates that her mother did not break that curse.
On my DVD HOW TO BREAK GENERATIONAL CURSES I explain in detail how Satan continues his evil through the family bloodline, generation to generation. You must see this DVD to prevent Satan’s attacks on your children and grandchildren. You may not live a wild and immoral life like Ms. Smith, but you may still be cursed by your ancestors.
When she was a child, Ms. Smith declared she wanted to grow up to be like Marilyn Monroe. Well, she succeeded, down to the circumstances of her death. By wanting to be like Marilyn Monroe, Ms. Smith spoke a curse over her life and the devil used it to his evil advantage. Those who have seen our DVD HOW TO BREAK GENERATIONAL CURSES understand how unnecessary this tragedy was. The curse could have been broken. Also, notice that Anna’s 20-year-old son died just months before her, likely from the same cause—drugs and a destructive lifestyle. Nicole was born with a curse, so was her son, and so was her new baby daughter that lawyers and ex-lovers are fighting over.
Family curses can be broken! Generational curses can be stopped!
In addition to the DVD HOW TO BREAK GENERATIONAL CURSES I have especially prepared a message using the death of Ms. Smith to explain exactly how curses work. It’s called, THE CURSE OF ANNA NICOLE SMITH.
For your gift of $50 or more, I’ll send both DVDs, plus one of the most important documents you’ll ever hold in your hands: THE LAWSUIT AGAINST SATAN. This spiritually legal transaction will teach you how to legally confront the devil and file a lawsuit against him in the courts of heaven. Thousands have done this and have begun a journey to health, prosperity, and blessings they had never known.
Just print out the form below, or email me immediately to get:
● DVD - HOW TO BREAK GENERATIONAL CURSES
● DVD - THE CURSE OF ANNA NICOLE SMITH
● THE LAWSUIT AGAINST SATAN
We leave for Africa in a couple of months and we need to start right now raising the $50,000 missions budget for this outreach. Your gift of $5000, $500, $150, or at least $50 or more will bring thousands to Christ and plant healing & deliverance teams across the continent.
Call, write, or email me today with your gift of $50 or more and get on the way to breaking every curse of the devil over you and your family.

Doing What Jesus Did,
Pastor Bob Larson

P. S. Make sure to sign up for our April 18-20 DWJD Training Institute on the subject “Last Days Deliverance - confronting the demons of pop culture.”

Soon after Larson offered his handy DIY curse-removal kit for sale ("like Jesus did"), the host of the Austin, Texas anti-occult cable access TV show The Freeman Perspective offered up the theory that infant Dannielynn is a Moonchild summoned by Anna Nicole's Satanic Illuminati mind-control handlers. I won't comment on Larson's motives - I think we can all guess what they are - but it seems that "Freeman" believed every word he said. According to him, Zsa Zsa Gabor’s eccentric husband, Prince Frederic von Anhalt, really is the father of Anna Nicole Smith’s daughter Dannielynn, as he insisted (DNA testing revealed Larry Birkhead to be the father, but never mind that; facts must never get in the way of a good conspiracy theory). Von Anhalt was the result of Nazi experiments in breeding perfect Aryan specimens who could take over the world (clearly unsuccessful). Anna Nicole was a mind-controlled slave programmed through Satanic ritual abuse to have multiple personalities (he points to the infamous Mushroom Clown video as evidence that she had a little-girl alter personality). Lawyer/partner Howard Stern was her primary mind control handler. And Dannielynn is a Moonchild.

The Nazi breeding part of Freeman's theory is drawn from a rumour that German Chancellor Angela Merkel is the biological daughter of Adolf Hitler. This shouldn’t even be considered a possibility, as Merkel was born 9 years after the Fuhrer's death, but the explanation is that the horrifically sadistic Auschwitz doctor Carl Clauberg was able to freeze some of Hitler’s sperm and inseminate Eva Braun’s younger sister, Gretl, with it years later. The rumour has it that Clauberg was “the father of artificial insemination”, but in actuality his Auschwitz experiments centered around forced sterilization of Jewish women. Robert Jay Lifton, in his 1986 book The Nazi Doctors: Medical Killing and the Psychology of Genocide , noted “Clauberg is reported to have told prisoners he planned artificial-insemination experiments, and there is one report of his admitting to two assistants that he had future plans for experiments in both natural and artificial insemination.” (272) There are no reports that Clauberg actually achieved any success with insemination; he is by no means the father of the procedure, which is derived from much older methods of animal husbandry.

Gretl Braun did have a daughter, Eva Barbara Fegelein, named after her Aunt Eva, but she was born on May 5, 1945, and committed suicide in 1975 - during the same period Merkel was studying physics at the University of Leipzig. Clearly, the Merkel-Hitler rumour is a fantasy aimed at defaming a controversial and much-maligned public figure: G8 member, first female chancellor of German, proponent of EU expansion. She’s ideal fodder for anti-Illuminati conspiracy theories.

The Moonchild was a concept introduced in Aleister Crowley’s Book of the Law. It was described as something like an AntiChrist and/or an incarnate god, a child "resembling man, and possessing those qualities of man which distinguish him from beasts, namely intellect and power of speech, but neither begotten in the manner of human generation, nor inhabited by a human soul." Rather than being conceived and born, the Moonchild would apparently be summoned through magick ritual.

In 1946, California rocket scientist/occultist Jack Parsons attempted to summon a Moonchild into the womb of his girlfriend following a complex set of rituals he called The Babalon Working. His assistant in this endeavor was, believe it or not, L. Ron Hubbard. The intended vessel/mother of the Moonchild, Marjorie Cameron, never manifested any signs of pregnancy, but to the end of her life she believed that she really was the incarnation of Thelema's Mother of Abominations, the Scarlet Woman of The Book of the Law. The “birth” of the Moonchild was a metaphysical event, taking place on the ethereal plane. After Parsons' untimely death, Marjorie Cameron performed a ritual to conceive a posthumous child with him a la Osiris and Isis, whom she christened Wormwood. This "child", too, manifested only on the ethereal plane.

Freeman's theory is, essentially, that genetically engineered Nazi Satanists are trying to take over the world by impregnating their mind-controlled robotic priestesses with antichrist Moonchildren.
Crowley’s Book of the Law described the Moonchild as "mightier than all the kings of the earth".

So, if you can imagine that the daughter of Anna Nicole Smith will someday rise up to rule over us all, this may be the conspiracy theory for you.

Stupid arguments against healthcare reform

I posted this at Swallowing the Camel today:

The lies, distortions, and conspiracy theories being used to frighten Americans away from universal healthcare are really getting on my nerves. While there are some legitimate concerns about U.S. healthcare reform, the astroturfing efforts being carried out on behalf of corporate insurance interests are based almost entirely on scare tactics and misinformation. Just a few of the factoids that are floating around:

Socialized medicine is the slippery slope to socialism, or communism, or facism. If you really believe this, it means you have been so thoroughly brainwashed by rightist propaganda that you're pretty much beyond hope of recovery. Nothing will convince you that health care is not just a privilege or a decadent indulgence, so I'm not even going to bother. Let's move on to arguments that aren't completely retarded...

The elderly will be denied care, or even euthanized against their wishes and/or the wishes of their next of kin. At best, doctors will pressure family members to let the patient die - to save money.
This would violate the whole Hippocratic thing they've got going on, but if you really insist on believing that most health care professionals are psychopaths in lab coats, there' s not much I can say that will convince you otherwise, is there? I'll just skip it. Here's the bottom line: Whether they're being paid by insurance providers, the state, or patients themselves, doctors still make a lot of money. Every service they provide puts more money in their pockets. So they don't want to talk their patients out of receiving more health care. If anything, Americans should be concerned about doctors providing more services than are strictly needed. Which brings us to the next argument...

People will take advantage of the system by seeking treatment for minor complaints, and/or become irresponsible about their health.
Good old-fashioned fear of doctors keeps most people from taking advantage of free health care. And people will not dance around on rooftops or stick forks into electrical outlets just because they know there's some free health care waiting for them. As for those of you who are concerned that AIDS patients will receive free treatment when they're clearly godless mucksuckers who should just die? Fuh cough.

Universal health care means fewer doctors, a lower standard of care, and longer waiting lines at clinics and hospitals.
No. Though Americans are being told horror stories about the endless waiting times at Canadian hospitals, the truth is that such lineups occur mainly in busy metro-area hospitals or clinics - just as they do in the U.S. and other countries. The average Canadian clinic is indistinguishable from American clinics when it cames to wait times and quality of care. Having grown up in the States and having lived in Ontario and Alberta for the past decade, I'm not just guessing. I have had no problem receiving timely, high-quality health care in Canada. And I don't have to live in fear of losing my insurance coverage.
As for doctors, where are they gonna go? The U.S. has been siphoning off our Canadian doctors for years, but U.S. doctors will just have to stick around, won't they?

Doctors will be told where to live. Show me a single Canadian or European doctor who has been ordered to live or not to live in a specific area, and you've won this one. Doctors can live where they please.

Taxes will increase. If tax hikes are more troubling to you than the lives of uninsured Americans, fine. You have to live with yourself.

Doctors will be told how they can treat their patients. Um, they already are. There are standards, regulations, and laws already in place to control how doctors treat their patients. A single-payer healthcare system isn't any different. No procedures will become off-limits just because taxpayers are picking up the tab.

Medical innovation will slow to a crawl or grind to a halt, because there will no longer be sufficient financial incentive. We might see fewer worthless pharmaceutical products like this one, but there will still be a huge market for life-saving and life-enhancing procedures and products. The major pharmaceutical manufacturers might make fewer billions for the first year or two as consumers adjust to the new system, but I think they'll survive.

This public service announcment has been brought to you by people who pee on their feet

Brazilian environmental group SOS Mata Altantica is encouraging people to pee in the shower to help conserve water, and they've put together this thoroughly adorable and thoroughly gross ad to spread the word. Sorry, but I've got a line in the sand - and this would be it.